The Answers to the Malcomisms Quiz

For #1, the answer is C: 'Putting a cat amongst the pigeons' means to do something that creates trouble or disarray in others.

For #2, the answer is D: 'Not as far as I could kick an elephant left-footed' provides a colorful indication of just how much someone is to be trusted. As you might imagine, it's not very far...

For #3, the answer is A: Heads on them like mice was used as an exclamation when people are everywhere. Malcolm used this phrase when traffic kept coming from both directions when we were trying to pull back out onto the roadway after lunch at Loch Lomond.

For #4, the answer is B: 'I'd rather have him inside the tent pissing out than outside the tent pissing in" means it's better to get a powerful person or entity on your side than to have them arrayed against you. Malcolm thought it was actually a quote from either former U.S. presidents Eisenhower or Johnson. Guess that means this phrase may not actually qualify as a foreign one. I'd like to think it means I'm simply too young to remember!

For #5, the answer is E: 'It's just another coat of varnish' was used by Malcolm in a situation where it was descriptive of doing something not absolutely necessary but which, if done, would provide a small, incremental improvement. We were actually discussing sales/service ideas and methods. After one of these, Malcolm said that he thought that particular item was a good idea even though others might deem it not necessary. At the end of his sentence, he proclaimed that, however, "It was just another coat of varnish."

He thought the term was perhaps coined by Vidia Naipaul, who later won a Nobel Prize for literature. In his Naipaul's usage, it meant that he would write something and keep going back over it in order to make it better. In and of itself, each step doesn't add that much and isn't necessarily a visible item. However, to get a good end product you need not one, but several, coats of varnish.

For #6, the answer is G: "Would you pay one dollar for it, or even if they gave it to you would you want it?" Sometimes, Malcolm explained, we get caught up in thinking something is really a bargain -- even if we might not actually know what we'd do with it. If you're evaluating the price of something, he said, sometimes it's helpful to ask yourself if you'd like to have it if they gave it to you. Then, instead of paying only £35 (when the asking price was £55) to get a couch that just needs new slipcovers and the pads installed on the feet of it, actually a questionable bargain since it requires work to be done, you might just have sense enough to pass the 'bargain' by.

For #7, the answer is I: "You wouldn't call the King your brother" is a saying that might be used to describe a situation of complete satisfaction. It implies your life is completely good (at the moment, anyway!), and that even if your brother was the King and you told someone he was it wouldn't make your life any better. I couldn't help but wonder the date of the origin of this one.

For #8, the answer is H: "Just wait, they'll come to the milk." My guess is this probably has an origin in farming, or when milk is set out to recapture something like wayward kittens. This would be said in a situation where you're convinced that you're right, and it's just a matter of time before the others recognize that fact. If you just hold on, the others are bound to see the light eventually. (Which brings up the question: What's the origin of 'bound to see the light?!)

For #9, the answer F: To say that something is "like wiping your arse with a hoop" denotes you're in a situation that just goes on and on. The term is commonly used when a business transaction keeps going back and forth such that the negotiations appear that they will never end. Although I would have thought a good example might be the Israeli/Palestinian discussions, tonight on BBC they said the Israelis just provisionally approved the U.S. 'road map to peace.' I wish I knew whether it was a case of having waited long enough that they've come to the milk, or just another coat of varnish...

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